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Tulasi's pov
Now I know why Indra ji was acting weird just now. I gulped, looking at him. He sat down and set his towel. He stood by the help of a mobility stick. I tried to help him, but he signaled me not to come any closer.
"I'm going to take a bathe…" Indra ji said and started walking out.
"Let me escort you there, Indra ji. How can you bathe alone in this state?" I asked.
"It's fine. I'll ask the help of Rudra or Nalini." Indra ji said and walked out.
I looked at his figure and sat down on the bed. I know that he doesn't want to make me feel uncomfortable in any way. He told me that he'd never touch me without my permission.
Flashback to 2 months prior.
I was applying the ointment on my bruised skin as the doctor prescribed.
"I'll help you…" I flinched when I heard Indra Ji's voice.
I turned around and looked at him. He was looking at me with empathy.
"N…no, I can do it myself." I said and averted my gaze.
He tried to walk closer, and I immediately stepped back. I don't know; my heart races every time I see Indra ji. After that incident, I'm really scared of his anger. I keep overthinking that it might happen again.
"A..are you scared of me, tulasi?" He asked.
I closed my eyes tightly and nodded. I didn't get any response after that.
I slowly opened my eyes, and he was a bit far away now.
"Don't worry… I promise I won't touch you without your permission again. I'll never make you feel uncomfortable. I…I'll keep my distance, okay? Please don't be scared." Indra ji said.
I gulped and nodded. I looked at his expression; he looked like he was disappointed in himself. He then walked out of the room.
The days progressed, and Indra ji never even once tried to touch me or even sit next to me. He even slept on the ground every day to make me feel comfortable.
He used to bring me everything that I liked to eat when he got home. He appointed a maid, and I didn't have to do much work anymore.
I gradually moved on but not totally. I can see that he was making efforts to change. That one minute of his anger will be imprinted in my heart forever. But the fact that even through all that anger he recognized my pain, it made me feel hopeful.
He changed so much that I can't even recognize him anymore. He's like a totally different person now. But still I was afraid to approach him. In the back of my mind, I was always scared that he might drink again and become angry and do something.
Throughout these 2 months, Nalini helped me a lot to move on. Rudra ji also cared a lot about me. Well, maa ji didn't even change a bit. She always found ways to make me work extra. I sometimes used to wonder what made her this evil. Indra ji also observed this a lot; I didn't try to hide it. I wanted him to know the truth as well. Maa ji broke my heart when that bastard tried to r*pe me, and she didn't even care how much I endured; instead, she was worried about the society. Then I decided that I shouldn't be so kind. But what can I do…? Shiv ji made me this kind and sensitive; I sometimes regret my existence.
Everyone in the house took a stand for me, which made maa ji hate me more. But I didn't care at this point, because Indra ji was on my side now. I hope she realizes her mistakes and becomes a good person.
Indra ji made me eat my meals on time and sleep on time. When I got my periods, I was staying in the separate room, where no one enters. But Indra ji didn't care about that at all. He stayed by my side throughout the nights; he used to feed me by himself, and when I had cramps, he used to rub my stomach and back until I fell asleep.
Usually, no one even tried to enter the room or touch my stuff. They think it's a bad thing or something. I had to wash my plates and clothes separately. It's worse than living as a dog. I don't know why people made such rules. I still don't know why I even bleed every month. Whenever I asked my mother, she used to tell me that it's just god's curse and we're enduring.
Everything has some explanation, right…? We bleed when we get injured, and it has a reason. We cry whenever we're sad. We eat when we're hungry. That means this also has an explanation, but no one seems to know about it. It was the biggest puzzle for me, and I can't even ask anyone about it. My mom used to beat me whenever I talked about it in front of males of the house.
Flashback ends.
I sighed thinking about my past. It's a waste thinking about all of those since I can't change any of them.
I have so much work to do. I got up and walked towards the kitchen. I saw maa ji there. I didn't want to face her, so I turned around to walk out.
"Wait!" Maa ji said.
"Ji, maa ji.. boliye." I said, facing her.
"Where's your golden ring?" She asked, looking at my hand.
My eyes widened. How did she even notice? When my mother visited, I gave her the ring since I didn't have a choice. Or else she would've crumbled my marriage. I don't know how to answer maa ji. If I lie that it's in my closet, then she might even check it.
"M..maa ji, w…woh.. it's in my room." I said, I was trying not to stutter.
She narrowed her eyes. "Oh, then go and bring it." She said and forwarded her hand.
I gulped… I didn't know what to do. If she knows the truth, then I'm done for.
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It's sad to see that all these rules against woman still exist. Even I experienced every single one of it in the name of rituals and limitations against periods. Everyone one of those people try to pass it down to their kids and grandkids.
I had many sad experiences with periods. I still can't talk about them in front of my male family members. They don't even let me explain to my younger cousins about periods. If i tried to talk against them, they'll pounce on me.
I come from a very strict household. So i experienced misogyny all my life. My father doesn't even let me talk to males and lower caste people.
Not everyone has a good family. I always envy people who have one. If your family treats you well, please cherish them. And enjoy your memories.
I do want to see india moving on from all these superstitions and stupid mentality.
Thank you so much for supporting my book, you guy's don't know what it means to me. ❤️
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